Are you a people pleaser? You need to read this!

Updated: Apr 14

As defined by the Cambridge Dictionary, a people pleaser is ‘someone who cares a lot about whether other people like them, and always wants others to approve of their actions.’

There is a lot that needs to be protected with empathic natures. One trait of an empath is the need or desire to please people. This can present in problematic ways. People pleasing can result in over giving. This behaviour can become an established dynamic in friendships and other kinds of relationships so the person is expected to continue this level of giving without much/any emotional return. This is unsustainable.

People pleasing can also result in a loss of sense of self. If we spend too long trying to fit into the moulds that others put onto us, we stifle our authentic self. This is unsustainable.

We need to find... BALANCE!

People pleasers push their own values and dreams down in order to honour the agenda of others and feed off their approval. To live an authentic and fulfilling life you can’t allow the expectations of other people control your life choices.

Steps you can make today to challenge the people pleaser voice:

Here is a journal prompt that you could try ‘If I didn’t have to think about anyone else’s expectations for 48 hours, I would…’

When you find yourself needing to make decisions, check in and see if this is benefiting you or if it is benefiting someone else. Is this reasonable? How would the situation be different if you made your decision based on your best interests.

Do you act differently if you think you are being judged? How do you act differently? How would things be different if you ignored that judgement? Can you challenge yourself and push against adhering to the judgement you are feeling?

Challenging the people pleaser in us is a hard dynamic to break. It involves a lot of self-reflection as it has taken years to develop this thought pattern and certain behavioural cycles. Try and get grounded in your own values, approve of yourself and reclaim your power. Keep giving yourself time and compassion to overcome this, things will shift soon.


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If you need support working on your own personal development journey I have a series of on-demand programmes that focus on the following areas:


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