How anxious attachments experience disconnection

I have written about attachment styles before. If this is new to you, you may find my previous articles helpful. You can find What is my attachment style? and Is it needy, or do you mistake unmet needs for obligations? by clicking the links.


Here I'd like to focus on anxious attachment styles. Perhaps you can relate to this one, or know someone who does? The powerful thing about attachment styles is knowledge. When we can understand our own attachment style, we can meet ourselves at a deeper level, but also we increase our capacity to meet others at a deeper level, too. Learning how we navigate relationships (romantic/platonic or familial) will help us think, act, and respond in healthier ways.


When anxious attachments sense disconnection from their attachment figure, they go into activating strategies. These are thoughts and feelings that compel that person to seek closeness with their attachment figure. When taken to the extreme, these ways of coping can be more harmful than helpful.


Our brain is wired for attachment. It closely regulates our connection to those we love and deeply care about. Therefore, when anxious attachments sense some form of disconnection from those particular people, they immediately experience anxiety.


The difference between a secure and insecure attachment style is how they experience this anxiety and how they respond to it.


Those with an insecure attachment style (anxious, fearful, avoidant, dismissive-avoidant) are more susceptible to feeling relationship anxiety more often and intensely, as their brain is hypervigilant to these perceived signs of threat.


Disconnection to the anxious attachment can be triggered by:

  • A fight or disagreement

  • Not hearing from your attachment figure

  • Not getting your needs met (i.e. reassurance, validation, lve and connection, quality time etc)

  • Surface level conversations and relationships

  • Physical and emotional distance

  • A break-up

Is there anything you would like me to cover on attachment styles? If so, leave me a comment and I will incorporate this into future articles.

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